Anxiety and the need to please: how to break free from the people-pleasing trap – Copy

Do you ever imagine the worst without even realizing it?

An unanswered message feels like rejection.
A recurring pain turns into a serious illness.
An unexpected meeting surely means you’re getting fired.

This reflex has a name: catastrophic thinking.

It’s a form of cognitive distortion where a simple hypothesis — often a harmless one — turns into a worst-case scenario.
And that scenario? We start to believe it. Deeply. Until it paralyzes us.

Why does our brain spiral like this?

This automatic brain function was once vital for our ancestors, who faced real threats.
But today, it can fuel disproportionate anxiety in response to everyday events.

By magnifying perceived danger and filtering out reassuring signs, certain cognitive biases — especially negativity bias and availability bias — feed a pattern of pessimistic, even intrusive, thoughts.

It’s no longer just about anticipating a problem. We begin to see it as likely — even inevitable.

And this mental loop, often unconscious, creates an internal climate of tension, doubt, and withdrawal.

What catastrophic thinking does to us daily

Once catastrophic thinking sets in, it takes up all the mental space.

We enter a mental spiral:
Uncertainty becomes threat.
The threat becomes a certainty.
And certainty shuts down all action.

It’s no longer “What if it goes wrong?”, but “It’s going to go wrong.”

This mechanism feeds into:

• anticipatory anxiety
• mental rumination
• procrastination or emotional withdrawal
• and sometimes, amplified physical pain
• Albert Ellis, founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, called this awfulizing — turning every discomfort into something unbearable, every difficulty into something insurmountable.

Mental coaching: a concrete approach to breaking the spiral

The solution isn’t forced positivity.
It’s about regaining agency over your thoughts, with both clarity and compassion.

Step one: identify the catastrophic thought.
Recognize it for what it is — an interpretation, not a fact.

Step two: create distance.
Neuroscience calls this metacognition — the ability to observe your thoughts without being trapped by them.

“My brain is telling me something’s going to go wrong.
But… what if I didn’t believe it this time?”

4 coaching tools to break free from catastrophic thinking

1. Ground yourself with Seligman’s exercise

Imagine the worst-case scenario.
Then the best.
And finally: the most likely.
Reality is rarely as dramatic as our mind makes it seem.

2. Breathe through the emotion

An intense emotion — if not fed — lasts about 90 seconds.
Let it pass. Your body knows how to do this.

3. Use grounded self-talk

Simple, but truthful phrases like:

• I can handle this.
• I’m not in danger.
• Nothing is set in stone.

4. Visualize a calmer outcome

Picture a possible — or even neutral — resolution.
Your brain can learn to store this image as a credible and calming alternative.

Breaking the cycle: what it takes, and what it unlocks

Letting go of catastrophic thinking isn’t a switch.
It’s a path, a practice — a form of emotional regulation you can develop over time.

It takes consistency, self-kindness, and sometimes outside support to clearly see the mental patterns that trap you.

But in return, it opens up something new:
More calm. More clarity. And, most importantly, more freedom of choice.

Ready to take back the reins?

Feeling lost in your personal or professional priorities?
What if you could rebuild steady confidence — and move forward with clarity, energy, and calm?

Coaching helps you understand yourself better, break free from the patterns that exhaust you, and regain control over your life — both personally and professionally.